FYI: Mercury in Retrograde


I’m into astrology. It’s not a big secret or anything–most people I know are used to me rattling on about mutable vs fixed signs or a moon in what-have-you.  And yes, I have a favorite horoscope, and this is it.

People generally just make fun of me about the astrology thing, or else grill me about why I think astrology works, or just ignore it…UNTIL they’re having a baby or dating some new person, at which point, they call me up, sheepishly asking what Virgos are like or if I think they could get along well with a Gemini.  At which point, I just tell them all the nice things about the sign they want to know about, pop’em on the butt and send them on their way.

Because there are no right answers to any of those questions, and I don’t think about astrology for the benefit of other people–I think about it for me. Because I need to understand what the hell’s going on.  The world’s a really confusing place and people are confusing animals.

So, lately I’ve noticed people have been acting crazy.  Weird things are happening: I had lunch last week with two women who got into a screaming fight in front of me, without any warning at all.  Friends have been acting all unpredictable and squirrely. Tiny emergencies have been cropping up everywhere and then dissipating. I have this bruise on my stomach and I don’t know where it came from.  I feel like I’m walking through a pool of pudding. And then April, my boss, came into staff meeting last Friday and said, “People are acting crazy this week,” and I was like, “Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiknnnnooooooooowwwwwww….” and she was like, “Well, you know Mercury’s in retrograde, right?”

And that’s when I punched the table.  Because I should have fucking known.

It feels like Mercury’s always in goddamn retrograde.

Mercury in retrograde, by the way, is the 3-week period when Mercury–the messenger, the planet of Communication– seems to us Earthlings to be traveling backwards in its orbit.  It’s an optical illusion, but maybe even the illusion of shitty communication is enough to make it true. I don’t know what the reason is, but it makes life  annoying and inefficient–plus it happens way too often: like 3-4 times a year.

Anyway, Mercury in retrograde always makes me feel really lonely for some reason.  Like I can’t make myself understood, so I just have to sit here by myself for three weeks, with nothing good or productive or fun happening, until we get the green light and Mercury sorts itself out.

Which will be March 17th, in case you were wondering.


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